Everyone was covered in dirt from playing in the yard (no matter, I’ve relaxed on the “clean & perfect children only in public” syndrome) and they had all just sucked down 9 ounces of juice aka “potty run every 15 minutes” *Lord have mercy*
We headed out & got to the post office in time. I went to the post office that is located inside a local QFC grocery store for 2 main reasons: 1. They have shopping carts that I can strap children into instead of having them run around like lunatics in the normal post office. 2. That grocery store was having a sale on Flank Steak for 3.99/lb. I’ve never bought flank steak before – but I ate it at a friend’s house for the very 1st time about 6 months ago & was shocked at what a delightful little treat it was! So, I’ve been waiting for it to go on sale.
Well, the kids must’ve called a secret “sabotage briefing” before we left the house because they were in all of their disobedient glory. Maisie tried on a pair of oven mitts as we passed by the kitchen gadget aisle & proceeded to prance through the store with her new beautiful “gloves”. Dach kept trying to hit me as I pushed the cart. With every hit, I would give him a little pinch on the back of the arm which would elicit a blood-curling shriek bringing upon him another pinch. Do we all just HATE when kids scream in stores?!
We got in line with our legal limit of flank steak (3 package limit per visit, please) & all of the cold mushy food we could conjure up for daddy & his swollen tooth sockets.
See if you can picture this scene:
Dach is in the cart trying to climb out (the seatbelt was broken) so he can push all of the buttons on the debit card scanner. And the other 3 kids are sprawled on the floor in front of the candy display, doling out candy bars to each other: "May I take your order? Three Snickers bars? Why of course! And because you are such a delightful brother, I'll throw in this king size package of M & M's at no extra charge!"
Meanwhile, I’m getting a thousand disapproving looks from the long line of impatient just-got-off-work-drove-through-rush-hour-traffic-why-the-heck-are-you-holding-up-the-line-with-your-bratty-little-kids people.
I finally get the kids out to the van when much to my surprise…Georgia & Maisie began to grab the door handle and fight over who gets to open the door! They scuffle for a moment - the door opens & then starts to slam shut but bounces off Georgia’s hand & swings back open.
Crying. Screaming. Accusing. *And that was just MY response! – Just Kidding!*
After nursing Georgia’s wounds I got everyone strapped into their car seats. Next stop Safeway. Every Friday they have take-n-bake pizzas for $5 and since I was in no mood to cook – that was going to be the meal of choice. I start to back out of my parking spot while everyone was chanting “PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA!” when suddenly I heard a quiet little 3 year old voice utter my 5 favorite words “I have to go potty.”
“WHAT?!?!?!?! NOW?!?! Why do you wait until we are back in the van? We were JUST in a store that had a bathroom!!! The next store is less than 5 minutes away, you’re going to have to hold it. I am NOT taking you all back in this store!”
Within 4 blocks she’s wiggling & screaming & crying “I’M GONNA PEE!!!!!!!!” I realized she was about to burst & swerved over to the side of the road. All I had was an old paper soda cup from the day before. She squatted and dang near half-filled the thing. I got her strapped back in & we were off to Safeway for pizza Friday.
We walked in the store & the kids saw one of those carts shaped like a car *that only fit 2 kids in the car part* and all 4 of them went nuts over who would be the lucky pair to grace those seats. Pushing, kicking, screaming, sobbing. I picked up Dach & put him in the ‘normal’ seat in the front of the basket. Sobbing ensued. Georgia & Maisie had won the first leg of the riding in the car part & Dach was sulking. All of the sudden Georgia leapt out & screamed “I HAVE TO GO POTTY RIGHT NOW!!!”
We found the bathroom & I wedged the door open with the cart so that I could watch her without taking everyone out of the cart. Then Zane decided he had to go too. FINALLY we were on way to shopping. *I JUST NEED PIZZA* I decided I’d actually better stock up for the weekend since hubby would be down & out for a bit & there was NO WAY I was coming back to a store with these people for a while!
Everyone shuffled seats throughout the shopping trip, “It’s my turn to ride in the car…I want to honk the horn…He’s kicking me…I want to sit in the other seat…Can we have Froot Loops…”
Then Maisie announced: “I HAVE TO GO POTTY REALLY BAD!!!”
Are you KIDDING me?!?! It’s all the way on the other side of the store now! And back we went.
I believe that somewhere during that potty trip I may have threatened some lives regarding the return to the bathroom. “So help me this is the L A S T time we will be visiting this bathroom today!!!!” Then it was back to shopping…again.
At one point, Georgia & Zane were in the car part of the cart & Zane was spitting in Georgia’s hair while she screamed hysterically. *Why? What would possess someone to spit in their sibling’s hair & think they were going to live another day? When have I ever NOT punished him for acting like that?* Meanwhile Dach was pitching food items out of the cart onto Maisie’s head while screamed & frantically ran around gathering up the items & tossing them back in – only to have him continue to throw them out again!
“If everyone could just be quiet for TWO SECONDS I could THINK!!! Then we could finish & leave!”
We finally got in line & paid for everything & headed back out to the van. I loaded everyone in & glanced at the receipt as I got in. *The following is what is often referred to as “the last straw”.*
SEVEN NINETY NINE?!?!?!
I was charged $7.99 for each of the pizzas!!!
Might I remind everyone that the whole purpose for this trip was to score pizzas for $5 each being that it was pizza Friday? I could not believe they had overcharged me! That was IT!! “Come on kids we’re going to go have a little chat with Mr. Safeway!!”
I loaded everyone back into the cart & marched right back into that store seething angry. I got to the customer service desk & something snapped. I pulled out my weekly ad & began to wave it around while I poured out my wrath:
“I JUST BOUGHT 2 PIZZAS AND WAS OVERCHARGED FOR THEM! I HAD TO DRAG MY 4 KIDS BACK IN THE STORE WHEN THEY ARE STARVING HUNGRY & JUST WANT TO GO HOME! IT IS HIGHLY INCONVENIENT THAT I SHOULD HAVE TO CORRECT YOUR MISTAKES! YOUR REGISTERS SHOULD SYNCHRONIZED UP TO THE AD PRICE. THERE IS JUST NO EXCUSE FOR THAT! IT IS PIZZA FRIDAY AND I WANT MY PIZZAS FOR $5 – YOU OWE ME $4!!”
I looked at her triumphantly and gloated. Mess with me & suffer!!!! *MWAH-HA-HA-HA*
She looked at me with the most sickly sweet almost sympathetic smile and quietly announced,
“It’s Thursday.”
UTTER.
HORROR.
I quietly muttered something like, “Oh, you’re right, I’m so sorry. Never mind.” And quickly gathered up my children & slinked back out of there so fast!
Moral of the story:
Worse than being wrong, is being wrong loudly in front of other people…
