Hey Dude! Where's my car...?

Today Sam (my girlfriend who lives across the street from me) suggested we do a childcare trade. She had to go to the mall & I had to go to the grocery store. Here was my day:

10:30am - 12:30pm - I had 2 of her kids at my house, they all played great and created minimal mess.

1:15pm - Dropped my 4 kids off at her house and headed to Fred Meyer (grocery store)

1:30pm - Got gas at Costco because I realized my gas gauge was BELOW the "E" and the red line.

1:45pm - Parked at Fred Meyer. I got a great parking spot right out front of the doors where the Salvation Army bell ringer was standing, only 3 spaces from the front of the parking row!

1:45pm - 2:55pm - Did all of my Christmas dinner shopping -without four kids in tow- while leisurely sipping a nonfat caramel macchiatto. Happily got wished a politically incorrect "Merry Christmas" by 3 different people in the store!

2:55pm - Walked out to where I parked the car and couldn't find it. Stopped to think "The row right in front of the store entrance, third stall from the front. Yep, there is the Salvation Army bell ringer directly behind the row." Confused, I walked up and down several different rows pushing the alarm clicker button, but heard nothing. Then it suddenly dawned on me: MY CAR HAS BEEN STOLEN!!!!!!!!!!! My brain started swirling - "What do I do?!?!"

3:10pm - I phoned Sam who had my kids and told her what was happening. Then I phoned my husband. By this time I was SOBBING! He told me to call the police "But I don't even know the license plate number!!!" I asked him to come to the store and help me and wanted him to call the police for me when he got there. He told me to find the store manager to see how they could help.

3:15pm - I called Jen crying while I waited for Eric to arrive. Then (still crying) I called Claire, who was on Christmas vacation in CA. visiting family.

3:18pm - For a brief moment I looked around and thought "WAIT! Maybe it's a joke and I'm being ambushed by a reality show that is giving me a NEW van!!!" Ok, no camera crews - wishful thinking, back to crying.

3:20pm - I went back into the store and found the manager. He had me call the police and then talk to his loss prevention director who came outside with me to see where the van was parked. He said they had surveillance cameras that might have picked something up. Poor guy - I was totally crying all over the place.

3:30pm - Eric arrives and comes walking up to where the loss prevention guy and I are standing in the parking lot. Then I REALLY start sobbing "What kind of person steals your van 4 days before Christmas?! I had 14 Christmas cards in the front seat that I had grabbed out of the mailbox on my way to the store - and now I'll NEVER BE ABLE TO HANG THEM UP IN THE HOUSE!!! *SOB* All of our car seats are gone and we have a $500 deductible. We don't even have $500!!!!! What are we going to do?!?!" *SOB! SOB!*

3:35pm - Eric says, "I already reported it to the insurance company, it's going to be okay. Let's go put the groceries in MY van while we wait for the police to show up." We start walking over to his van (on the other side of the parking lot) and when we get there, I notice that it is parked nose to nose with a gold van that looks just like ours. Then I notice that it is in the third stall from the front of the row. Eric looks at me suspiciously, "Hit the clicker." I cringe and reach into my pocket: "BEEP-BEEP!" and the locks pop up in the van in front of us!!

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

I had come in one store entrance and gone out the other and not even realized it.

Eric immediately busts into hysterical laughter.

I. AM. AN. IDIOT.

I had to slink back into that store and announce to the customer service desk (that I had SOBBED all over only minutes before) that my car was NOT stolen - but that I was too stupid to remember where I had parked the car! The loss prevention guy was already in the back room starting to view the 70 minutes of surveillance tape of the parking lot.

I apologized profusely and the customer service lady just looked at me with the utmost pity and said "That's okay honey, it's Christmas time!" She said she'd contact the police to let them know we had found the van.

In my defense, the Salvation Army bell ringer was ringing his bell in front of the entrance that I had originally gone in but then he was at the (now I realize - OTHER) entrance when I came out. Apparently, he had some involvement in this plot to make me crazy!

My husband called back our insurance company and the guy just howled with laughter! "You aren't going to ever let her live this down are you?!"

"NO WAY!!" answered my sweet husband...

The month in review...

Why yes, I have been meaning to write for OVER a month now! Life as been running at 1000mph since we returned from Maui! I had all of these great and hilarious stories to write about but I realize now that I will NEVER catch up if I stick to my obsessive/compulsive need to write things in chronological order. So, I think I'll bullet point and picture post to catch up:

• Returned from Maui and found that if you are a week behind on your life when you leave for vacation...you will come back and be 2 weeks behind on everything in your life!
  
  


• Had our dear friends over for Thanksgiving. Fact #1 - the heart-healthy websites that state mashed cauliflower are a great healthy alternative to mashed potatoes are lying! We had mashed gloppy goo. Ick. Fact #2 - You can eat whatever you want on Thanksgiving and not gain an ounce IF you and your equally deranged girlfriend decide to stay up ALL NIGHT to go Black Friday shopping from 3am - 10am. Talk about calories burned!! [I REALLY will have to write about that shopping experience!]

Here we are at the mall at 4am!! It was like the running of the bulls!!

• If you wrestle near the sharp corner of an entertainment center too many times, someone will eventually get hurt. Zane cracked his head open. After my initial panic when I actually screamed "Oh my goodness - your brains are falling out of the back of your head!" I realized his brains were still intact and safely tucked away behind his skull. I ended up gluing him back together with superglue. The hardest part was trying to cut his hair away with him crying without stabbing him in his open wound. I am SO not cut out for a career in nursing!!! Look away if you have a weak stomach - seriously!

Told ya!

• We took the kids down to Ocean Shores for a few days right after Thanksgiving. Freezing but fun! I'm glad we went when we did. Exactly one week later it was hit with over 100mph winds during our big storm/flood.
  
  


• I spent the next few days after our trip, planning/decorating/putting on an all-church talent show and Christmas dinner. I spent 12-14 hours days at the church - but in the end it was all worth it! The decorations were beautiful! I will post video soon of my talent show acts.

Here are the decorations. The hanging stars took HOURS to make but are beautiful!

Here is a photo of my all girl band "The Go-Go's". I rewrote the words of their song "Vacation" to "Salvation". Very fun!!! I think I want to be in a band now...

Sadly, I had forgotten my tank top at home so I couldn't complete my flashdance look and had to wear my long sleeve shirt under my cut off sweatshirt.

• Decorated the Christmas tree and nobody could reach to get the star on top. I climbed onto the bench in our bay window and tried to hoist Maisie up with the star. I lost my balance and we ALMOST fell on top of the tree.

Then I tried a kitchen stool...

• Dach has had a little too much "Nacho Libre" in his life lately...

• This is what happens when I try to make a gingerbread house. It ended up being a "Man vs. Wild" lean-to:

• Here's Jen's (she won the contest):

(I took this when It was only partly done.)

• I finally hit the "lost 50 lbs" mark this week! YAY!! A friend was kind enough to give me a box of See's candies. (Which I love!) I realized by the time I took a little bite out of each on e to see what the flavors were...I had already reached a serving size!

I don't know if you can tell - but they all have a nibble out of them. I feel that I'm doing the family a favor by enlightening them as to what all of the flavors are. Hubby disagrees.

Ok - I have a haircut appt in less than an hour so I have to scoot. Maybe my New Year's resolution will be to write more consistently...