Sunday, December 25, 2005
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Fantabulous Festivity results...
WHEW!
I did it!! I survived this weekend! The Fantabulous Festivity of Christmas Cheer was a huge success. The room was completely at capacity.
Here are some pics...
The stage. See my "Merry Merry" signs?
Serving up some reindeer cheer!
I rewrote the lyrics of "I Love Rock N Roll" to "I love Acronyms" for my pastor to sing (he is ALWAYS coming up with acronyms in his sermons) I'll have to post the lyrics - it was quite funny.
Here's our family doing a Jackson 5 song.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now I am working on writing a "Christmas themed" stand-up act for our church's Women's Christmas Dessert. Thankfully I only need about 10 minutes worth of material. Thankfully my kids provide about 10 HOURS of material...daily...
Terror at Register #7...
I was looking through all of my old diary entries from the past couple of years trying to get inspiration for my comedy act & came across some entries that just CRACKED ME UP! Here is an entry I posted a little over 2 years ago. Reliving the memory of this was just cracking me up tonight:
It`s as if I`m a magnet for trouble. I SWEAR I don`t do anything different than Joe Average to bring these upon myself. Really. I don`t. I swear.
The lead in...
Tuesday night 10:30pm:
Me: Oh no! It`s Tuesday night & the sale on ground beef ends today. I don`t want to go to the store now. I`m going to regret not going if I have nothing for dinner tomorrow night, aren`t I?!
Hubby: I`ll go, I still have my shoes on. Do you trust me to get the right thing?
Me: I`m wary. Here is the ad - its buy one get one free. MAKE SURE YOU GET THE RIGHT ONE so we get the discount! You can`t just grab ANY ground beef - it HAS to be the one on sale! In fact - take your phone & call me from the store.
Hubby: Ok.
~ 10 minutes later ~
ring ring
Me: Hello?
Hubby: I`m in the store but the phone is on "roaming" mode. They don`t have the macaroni & cheese you wanted.
Me: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHGGHHH!! HANG UP! HANG UP! ROAMING MODE IS .79 CENTS A MINUTE!!!
Hubby: Ok, bye.
~ 2 minutes later ~
ring ring
Me: Hello?
Hubby: They are out of the ground beef, but they are going to give me a rain check.
ME: AAARRRRRGGGHHHH!!! .79 CENTS A MINUTES!! .79 CENTS A MINUTE!! WE JUST SPENT $1.58 ON ROAMING CHARGES - IT TOTALLY NEGATES THE SAVINGS ON THE GROUND BEEF!!!! HANG UP!! HANG UP!!
Wednesday:
The plan was to do some errands with the kids & then come home & make dinner & eat at 6pm when hubby got home from work & then make an appetizer to take to a going-away-party that we were supposed to be at by 7pm. Dach was in need of some serious nappage in the morning - so we pushed our errands into the afternoon. We ran around & got some stuff done & then everyone wanted to go to the park. Since it was bright & sunny (with a slight arctic breeze), I had no excuse to say no. At 3:30pm (when my ear was sufficiently throbbing - due to the cold wind) we left the park & headed for Albertson`s. I had my stack of coupons, my ground beef rain check & my mental list. The 2 younger kids were already crying before we even entered the store (lack of nap issues).
The kids were begging for their "free" cookie so we headed back to the bakery. [FYI: grocery stores usually give out a free cookie to kids while you shop. It buys about 42 seconds of silence.] I saw that they had a package of Halloween sugar cookies open behind the counter. I asked the gal if I could grab a cookie for each of the kids. "Oh, I just put out treats on the counter over there." I look over to see a container of powdered sugar donut pieces. *blink*
She wants me to hand them something covered in powdered sugar? While you`re at it - could I get a side of maple syrup to go with that?! Alrighty-then - buh-bye somewhat clean clothing. *mental note: add laundry detergent to list*
What was going to be a quick “in & out” shopping trip turned into 35 minutes of flustered wandering. I circled that store so many times that I’m sure they must’ve thought I was casing the joint!
GEORGIA was spinning in circles with no hint of awareness that there might be anyone in the store that had a desire to be able to occupy the same aisle as her twirling.
ZANE’S legs were “tired”, so he was in the large part of the cart sitting on the milk, busy commentating every item I put in the cart, crying about how thirsty he was & trying to get the cap off the vinegar. *nightcap anyone?*
MAISIE was sitting in the “extra seats” portion of the cart [we had the extra long cart that seated 3] alternating “I NEED water!” with “I wanna go home” and “Where’s my binky?!” She was also grabbing anything off the shelf that was within reach & perpetually touching Dach, causing him to cry.
Dach was tired & sobbing. He spent much of the shopping trip leaning forward & trying to suck on the metal bar in front of him. *barf*
Why do I take them to the store? Why do I take them to the store at naptime? Why can’t I think clearly enough to get what I need & get out when they are all crying & arguing?
I went to the butcher dept. to get my buy one get one free on the ground beef. The butcher said “Why don’t you just give me your rain check & I’ll mark the beef at half price since the register doesn’t automatically ring up the free one?” That’s fine, it works out the same.
I finally made it to the register, with both little kids in full meltdown mode. There were 5 people behind me to watch the show. The gal rang up my whole order & hit total.
TERROR AT REGISTER #7!!!
It`s as if I`m a magnet for trouble. I SWEAR I don`t do anything different than Joe Average to bring these upon myself. Really. I don`t. I swear.
The lead in...
Tuesday night 10:30pm:
Me: Oh no! It`s Tuesday night & the sale on ground beef ends today. I don`t want to go to the store now. I`m going to regret not going if I have nothing for dinner tomorrow night, aren`t I?!
Hubby: I`ll go, I still have my shoes on. Do you trust me to get the right thing?
Me: I`m wary. Here is the ad - its buy one get one free. MAKE SURE YOU GET THE RIGHT ONE so we get the discount! You can`t just grab ANY ground beef - it HAS to be the one on sale! In fact - take your phone & call me from the store.
Hubby: Ok.
~ 10 minutes later ~
ring ring
Me: Hello?
Hubby: I`m in the store but the phone is on "roaming" mode. They don`t have the macaroni & cheese you wanted.
Me: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHGGHHH!! HANG UP! HANG UP! ROAMING MODE IS .79 CENTS A MINUTE!!!
Hubby: Ok, bye.
~ 2 minutes later ~
ring ring
Me: Hello?
Hubby: They are out of the ground beef, but they are going to give me a rain check.
ME: AAARRRRRGGGHHHH!!! .79 CENTS A MINUTES!! .79 CENTS A MINUTE!! WE JUST SPENT $1.58 ON ROAMING CHARGES - IT TOTALLY NEGATES THE SAVINGS ON THE GROUND BEEF!!!! HANG UP!! HANG UP!!
Wednesday:
The plan was to do some errands with the kids & then come home & make dinner & eat at 6pm when hubby got home from work & then make an appetizer to take to a going-away-party that we were supposed to be at by 7pm. Dach was in need of some serious nappage in the morning - so we pushed our errands into the afternoon. We ran around & got some stuff done & then everyone wanted to go to the park. Since it was bright & sunny (with a slight arctic breeze), I had no excuse to say no. At 3:30pm (when my ear was sufficiently throbbing - due to the cold wind) we left the park & headed for Albertson`s. I had my stack of coupons, my ground beef rain check & my mental list. The 2 younger kids were already crying before we even entered the store (lack of nap issues).
The kids were begging for their "free" cookie so we headed back to the bakery. [FYI: grocery stores usually give out a free cookie to kids while you shop. It buys about 42 seconds of silence.] I saw that they had a package of Halloween sugar cookies open behind the counter. I asked the gal if I could grab a cookie for each of the kids. "Oh, I just put out treats on the counter over there." I look over to see a container of powdered sugar donut pieces. *blink*
She wants me to hand them something covered in powdered sugar? While you`re at it - could I get a side of maple syrup to go with that?! Alrighty-then - buh-bye somewhat clean clothing. *mental note: add laundry detergent to list*
What was going to be a quick “in & out” shopping trip turned into 35 minutes of flustered wandering. I circled that store so many times that I’m sure they must’ve thought I was casing the joint!
GEORGIA was spinning in circles with no hint of awareness that there might be anyone in the store that had a desire to be able to occupy the same aisle as her twirling.
ZANE’S legs were “tired”, so he was in the large part of the cart sitting on the milk, busy commentating every item I put in the cart, crying about how thirsty he was & trying to get the cap off the vinegar. *nightcap anyone?*
MAISIE was sitting in the “extra seats” portion of the cart [we had the extra long cart that seated 3] alternating “I NEED water!” with “I wanna go home” and “Where’s my binky?!” She was also grabbing anything off the shelf that was within reach & perpetually touching Dach, causing him to cry.
Dach was tired & sobbing. He spent much of the shopping trip leaning forward & trying to suck on the metal bar in front of him. *barf*
Why do I take them to the store? Why do I take them to the store at naptime? Why can’t I think clearly enough to get what I need & get out when they are all crying & arguing?
I went to the butcher dept. to get my buy one get one free on the ground beef. The butcher said “Why don’t you just give me your rain check & I’ll mark the beef at half price since the register doesn’t automatically ring up the free one?” That’s fine, it works out the same.
I finally made it to the register, with both little kids in full meltdown mode. There were 5 people behind me to watch the show. The gal rang up my whole order & hit total.
At that moment - the register went nuts.
It started ringing up “free ground beef” credits at $4.69 each (the price of the first package of beef that I had bought). It just kept ringing up these credits. Nobody could shut the thing off! $200 in credit...$300 in credit...$500 in credit... It kept on going. People were starting to move out of the line, the kids were crying, & the lady behind me abandoned her groceries & walked out of the store.
“Did I mention I’m a magnet for trouble at the register?”
The checker looked at me & said “Then WHY did you come to MY register?!?!”
“Hey - I just figured your tape would run out or the person in front of me would pay in pennies.”
$600 in credit...$700 in credit...$800 in credit... Still going...
“Wow, I bet my savings percentage is through the ROOF!!!!!”
Un-amused look from checker.
Everyone had been cleared from my line & my children were in full breakdown mode. Finally when it hit $1009 in credit...it stopped. *dreams - what I could’ve bought with $1009...*
The checkers all just stood there. I think they were afraid to touch it. They managed to keep the register at bay & pulled out the 3 ft? (4 ft?) receipt.
After some discussion with the other checkers, my checker looked at me & announced, “We need to move to another register & re-ring your entire order!” Mind you - that it was already all bagged & in the cart with the screaming duo! “Dinner may be slightly late tonight due to unforeseen circumstances!” (Of course, I wasn’t ABOUT to call hubby at .79 cents a minute (for some reason - our phones are only in roaming mode at that store) to inform him!)
We headed over to a new register & they took everything out of all 5 bags & started over. She hit total - it deducted the meat again...once. A “free ground beef” credit of $4.69. I wrote her a check & left. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the free beef sale had ended yesterday...
“Did I mention I’m a magnet for trouble at the register?”
The checker looked at me & said “Then WHY did you come to MY register?!?!”
“Hey - I just figured your tape would run out or the person in front of me would pay in pennies.”
$600 in credit...$700 in credit...$800 in credit... Still going...
“Wow, I bet my savings percentage is through the ROOF!!!!!”
Un-amused look from checker.
Everyone had been cleared from my line & my children were in full breakdown mode. Finally when it hit $1009 in credit...it stopped. *dreams - what I could’ve bought with $1009...*
The checkers all just stood there. I think they were afraid to touch it. They managed to keep the register at bay & pulled out the 3 ft? (4 ft?) receipt.
After some discussion with the other checkers, my checker looked at me & announced, “We need to move to another register & re-ring your entire order!” Mind you - that it was already all bagged & in the cart with the screaming duo! “Dinner may be slightly late tonight due to unforeseen circumstances!” (Of course, I wasn’t ABOUT to call hubby at .79 cents a minute (for some reason - our phones are only in roaming mode at that store) to inform him!)
We headed over to a new register & they took everything out of all 5 bags & started over. She hit total - it deducted the meat again...once. A “free ground beef” credit of $4.69. I wrote her a check & left. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the free beef sale had ended yesterday...
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Contrary to popular belief...I AM still alive!
Just busy, busy...
Claire and I are almost single-handedly putting on an all-church Christmas Party for 135 people. I was at my girlfriend's house till 4am on Sunday night (Mon morning?) making decorations.
Shoot. Me. Now.
I have managed to go to bed slightly earlier with each night that goes by. 3:00am on Monday night & 2:00am last night. Perhaps tonight I'll be in bed by 1:00am!!
We named the party the "Fantabulous Festivity of Christmas Cheer" and it has a "Dr. Suess" whimsical theme.
Here is a pic of one of the things I've been working on:
A sign to go over the stage. There is an identical one in mint green for the entryway.
I must go now.
I have about 20 more hours of decorations to create in the next 3 days.
PLUS - our family is performing in the talent show portion of the party, which means I need to locate 6 matching choir robes & 3 more black afros for our song that we are doing. (We are doing a lipsinc to the Jackson 5's song "Hallelujah Day"). Yes - my kids are THRILLED *insert sarcasm* to be dragged into doing this!
Ok - back to work...
PS - My sinus infection is finally gone!! >>>>THANKYOUJESUS!!!<<<<
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