Catchin' up is hard to do...

Excuse me if I'm a little disoriented this morning - I currently have a 3 1/2 year old that is desperately trying to change my sleeping schedule and I'm not impressed. "No, I DON'T have a burning desire to coordinate my waking hours with the sun's *perhaps in the winter, I might* and I'm visibly disturbed that you do!"

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On Easter (while chopping celery for a veggie tray) Zane walks in, takes one look at me with the knife and announces loudly "DON'T COME CRYING TO ME WHEN YOU CHOP YOUR FINGERS OFF!!" Thank you, I'm glad to know where you stand on that.

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A memory I'm trying to repress from almost 2 weeks ago:

It was a Thursday morning, which we started out in the standard fashion of racing around like maniacs trying to get out of the house to be on time for bible study. Add to that the fact that it was the "Easter Brunch" at bible study & I was baking food to bring with me. After bible study the kids & I were going to be visiting my Dad (it was his birthday) and dropping off Jen's birthday present to her (since her house was somewhat in the vicinity) and visiting my sister's new house/where my mom was staying during her visit from California (all also in the general vicinity).

We started off by heading to a dollar store by Jen's house to pick up birthday cards and check out their liquidation (since we are rarely in that area). Lo and behold who should we see at the Dollar Store? Why Jen herself! SURPRISE! "Well, hello there - let me just purchase this gift bag right in front of you and run to the van and cram your present in it and VOILA!! Surprise - Happy Birthday!!"

The kids acted like maniacs in the store *shocker* grabbing stuff and running around. Dach was eventually strapped into a cart but was given a LOUD gun by another child and proceeded to push every noise inducing button on the gun OVER and OVER. Yes, I did take it away from him (more than once) but when you have a commando team of FOUR working against you - it can be quite challenging!

The 10 minute ride to my dad's house consisted of everyone FREAKING out over the fact that Zane bought gum with his own money and that they didn't have any. *wah, wah, wah...all the way home* Meanwhile Dach managed to break his brand spanking new top-quality-dollar-store toy motorcycle. Let's see that was a "10 cents per minute toy".

My dad was kind enough to sugar them up at his house "Would you like another fruit snack with your fruit snack?" I of course had not fed them lunch before stopping there - thinking he must have some type of lunch food. I think they did all manage to eat a slice of bologna at some point *aside* I like how someone somewhere along the line had some sense to create the word "baloney" which makes a HECK of a lot more sense than bologna. Oscar Meyer - TAKE NOTE!! *end aside*

We left his house around 3pm and I found a fast food joint to pick up some chicken to soak up the candy in their little stomachs. Now it was off to my sister's new house. She just happens to have an 8 year old, a 2 1/2 year old and twin 4 month olds - so we had QUITE the chaos! By this time my youngest 2 were reaching "too-busy-of-a-day-on-too-much-sugar-and-not-enough-sleep" mode. After multiple timeouts and the like, I decided we had better head home around 5:30pm. "BUT WAIT!!! Isn't there that Children's Teaching store somewhere around here? I need some homeschool supplies from there and I NEVER make it there before they close (at 6pm)! We'll just stop there real quick!"

We arrived at the store 10 minutes before they closed. As I quickly tried to pick out the stuff I needed, the kids all disappeared. Oh trust me I could still HEAR them! I did manage to grab a couple of them as they ran by and hiss bodily harm threats at them. As I was checking out they discovered all of the bins of "cheap crap" at the register. "Oh look HARMONICAS!!! And I'm just out of reach of mom!! I think I'll hand them out to all my siblings while I'm at it!!"

We FIN-A-LLY made it out of there and were just about to walk to the van when I saw it. "NO WAY!!" The Christian Bookstore next door to the teaching store had a huge sign in their window that said the following:

"ALL HOMESCHOOL MATERIAL 70% OFF. TOTAL LIQUIDATION!!"

Oh really? "Come on kids - the shopping night is still young." 45 minutes. 45 minutes of total mayhem. But was I about to drag their little disobedient bodies out of there to teach them a lesson? Not when I was saving $300!!! There was a huge Narnia display at the front of the store. Both little kids immediately jumped on top of the "bigger-than-them" giant stuffed lion and began to ride it while screaming "ASLAN!! ASLAN!!" After I managed to peel them off of it - I put them in front of the Veggia Tale movie they had running at the back of the store. Here is the child friendly setup they had: A lego table with chairs, a Veggie Tales movie going AND Narnia playing on another tv right above it (on mute). Do you think that captivated their attention? Oh, but no.

As I was trying to juggle the 18 to 20 books that I was holding and read the backs of many others trying to determine what I needed - Dach found a container of American flags and convinced his older-and-should-know-better brother to have a sword fight with him - using the flags! As I realized this and hissed at them to stop - they knocked over the container of the flags and they all fell out all over the floor. Nice. Perhaps you'd like to set them on fire while you are at it? They finally got that picked up when seconds later - Dach knocked over a GIANT VBS display and all of the product that went with it. The product was in stacked large metal tins which are quiet silent when they crash to the floor.

A few minutes later he tried to climb under a large wooden easel that was holding a $180 framed piece of artwork. Watch with me as it teeters. Can this 36 year old frazzled mother of 4 reach the easel before it's too late? Miracle of miracles - she saves the day (and $180)!! This was about the time that I sat Dach at my feet and informed him "You get a pinch every time you move!" I think my book will be titled "10 Pinches to Obedience".

The final horrific moment came when I was checking out at the register. We were now back in close to proximity to the beloved stuffed Aslan. I had to excuse myself twice as the cashier was ringing me up to peel Dach off the lion's back. He escaped one last time and to my utter horror he chose as his grand finale to re-enact a scene from "George of the Jungle" with the lion. I look over to see that he has somehow (this thing was massive - I don't know how he had the strength to do this) lifted the lion over his head (like a barbell)with both of his arms straight up and is now spinning in a circle while making Tarzan noises.

I. Kid. You. Not.

The kicker is that the little maniac didn't even fall asleep during the 30 minute ride home. I marched him into our house and handed him off to Hubby so fast:

"NOT IT!!!"

I must now stop trying to avoid responsibilty and get cracking. In the next few days I need to:
**Study for/write/and deliver a 25-40 minute teaching for Women's bible study** Figure out and write my kids "student learning plan" for the final quarter of the school year and present it to the homeschool gal I check in with.**Help (for the 1st time ever) to create a science project for a science fair with Georgia & Zane**Write a skit to perform at church next Sunday to announce our Women's Retreat.

And tomorrow is sort of shot for accomplishing any of this because I was brilliant enought to schedule a million things for the same day:

1:15pm - 2pm - sports class for the little kids
4:10pm - 5pm - ballet/tap/gymnastics for Maisie
5:10pm - 6pm - ballet/tap/gymnastics for Georgia
6:30pm - 9pm - bible study

Well, I'm sure the house will clean itself this week...

Oh, THAT hat...!!!!

A conversation that could have been overheard at my home yesterday...

Unnamed Child: "Mom, have you seen my hat?"

Me: "Which one?"

Unnamed Child: *insert exasperated sigh* "YOU KNOW! The one that I was wearing the last time that I was wearing it!!"

Sermon on the Mount Diary...

Welcome to:

"This is Your Life...Sick Child Edition!!"

What are we on - week 4 of sickness in this house? I don't know, I've lost track. Three antibiotic prescriptions ago we started out with case #1 of strep throat. Let's not all get it at once now, kids. Let's wait a week between cases to delude Mommy into thinking we are over it. Then throw in the mix mystery fevers, stomach aches and some vomiting and you've a recipe for "Test Mommy's Endurance". My compassion is running thin *clears throat*

"COULD EVERYONE PLEASE JUST GET BETTER!?!?!! I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY MORE TIMES I CAN BEAR TO HEAR THE WORDS 'MY THROAT HURTS'! I'M TOO TIRED TO GET UP AND GIVE ANYONE ELSE ADVIL AT 4AM. I'D REALLY PREFER NOT TO CARRY YOUR SICK, WAILING 40 POUND BODY AROUND LIKE A PAPOOSE WHEN THE REST OF THE WORLD IS SLEEPING PEACEFULLY. AND IN CONCLUSION, I DO BELIEVE THAT NO ONE HAS EVER DIED OF A HANGNAIL SO PLEASE STAND ASIDE WHILE I SCRUB YOUR BROTHER'S VOMIT OFF MY CARPET!"

Today I am supposed to be taking photos of people in our church for our all-church phone directory but because "Mr. Got-a-fever-of-103" hasn't kicked the current bug, I'm the designated stay home parent today. That is the hard part of Hubby being a Pastor - he HAS to be at church, so I have to be the one to stay home with sick kids. Can I just say that (in addition to being frustrated about having to bag out on taking the photos) I was really looking forward to hearing the sermon and to chatting with people. *sigh*

This Thursday I am teaching our Women's Bible Study. My topic? "According to His will" - basically our response to events that happen in our life that may not necessarily be OUR will (or our idea of how we want things to go). *hmmn - sounds like this morning* And how to work towards achieving the ideal of being willing to accept what God allows to happen in our lives and trusting that He knows best. The scripture verses I'm using are the ones where Jesus is in the garden the night before He is crucified and He is praying, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Your will be done." [from Luke 22:39-46 and Matthew 26:39-44]

I LOVE how real Jesus is in that verse! I think I often forget His human side and just think that because He was perfect - it was easy for Him to do the right thing. It encourages me that (by His example) accepting God's will doesn't necessarily mean we are leaping for joy at difficult circumstances. God doesn't expect us to scream "YIPPEE!" when tragedy strikes. Jesus was not excited about the events that He was about to go through. I love that Jesus was honest about his struggles and feelings but immediately communicated that He ultimately trusted God and was willing to accept His will. *If I could only learn to consistently do that without moaning, whining, complaining etc..*

I also love that in the very next verse it says "Now an angel from heaven appeared to Him, strengthening Him..." That tells me 100% that when we are willing to trust in Him, God gives us the strength to get through even the most difficult of things. Very encouraging to me - being that my OWN strength is so exceedingly miniscule! *Especially when it has been trampled by sick kids!* "I think I can...I think I can..." vs "God says I can...God says I can..." The great thing is that God totally knows how weak we are. During the time Jesus is praying this prayer - He has asked his disciples to "...pray, that you may not enter into temptation..." But every time He comes back to them - they are asleep! I think he totally feels for them, as He even says to them "...the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." He knows their hearts - he knows they want to do what He has asked but that they are simply a bunch of tired guys. *Perhaps that could be translated to "tired Mommies"*

I think the "entering into temptation" part was in reference to the fact that He knew that the disciples would lose faith when they saw what would happen to Jesus the next day. They would question their faith and question God and find it very difficult to accept Jesus' death as God's will. "If God is God - how could He let this happen?!" [How many times have we all said those words?] Jesus knew that these men needed to be in prayer -a constant connection to God- to stay strong. I have 2 illustrations that I have heard that this reminds me of:

This one is for you girly-crafty girls:

Our life is like a giant needlepoint. We as humans only see the back of it which looks like a mess of threads running every direction. We can't make sense of it. But God sees the front of it, which is a beautiful masterpiece. I can't tell you how many times over the years - that has come to mind and given me encouragement when hard times have come.

The other illustration is for the sports fans in the crowd:

Our life is like a football game. We are the quarterback, the "world" is the other team, Jesus is the coach and God is the guy up in the booth who talks to the coach on the headset. The guy in the booth can see the whole field and is able to make more clear decisions on plays than the quarterback who can only see from his perspective on the field. When we blow off the coach and blindly run our own plays we are more likely to get "sacked" by the world (troubles/difficulties/consequences/temptations/etc...)

And that concludes your Open Diary Sunday morning sermon. Bonus points if you went to church today AND read this - you are quite spiritual, may I kiss your ring?

Thank you for tuning in, please send your love gift, blank check, or pre-paid fulltime nanny and I will send you a blessed hanky - although I can't guarantee it hasn't been used by a snotty-nosed child...

Hormotional...

I *am* wallowing in a "hormotional" funk popping Premysn pills (they are like Midol).

If you were to look up the word "hormotional" in Natalie's "words that should be real words but aren't" dictionary you would find the following:

Hormotional - 'hor-mO-sha-nl adjective 1. The state in which females find themselves every 28 days when hormones and emotions fuse together and temporarily disable all rational and logical thinking patterns.

In other news...

I'm back on the wagon again.

That would be the "live healthy so your heart doesn't stop short in 10 years" wagon. Hubby joined a contest with some guys "Put in $20 and the first person to lose 20 lbs - wins the money pot." The pot is currently sitting at $140. He started on Monday and has already lost 3 pounds [*aside* - why isn't the abbreviation for pounds "pds" instead of "lbs"? It would make more sense. *end aside*] I decided this was just the boost I needed to go from thinking about it to doing it.

As of this morning I have lost 4 pds. We are doing a loosely interpreted version of Weight Watchers aka the "we are too cheap to join so we'll just figure out the point values on our own for free" version. I like the cutting back on the amount of food and being aware of calorie and fat intake type programs - I'm just not into cutting out entire food groups (except maybe veggies). I'd rather have 1 teaspoon of real sour cream than 5 tablespoons of nasty fat-reduced sour cream. Anyway - that's just me. What can I say, I'm a bit of a rebel. If you tell me I can't have something, I take issue.

So...here's the quote of the day:

“My Daddy hit me in the mouth and knocked my tooth out and I was bleeding everywhere!"

That would be what Dach announced to his classmates and teachers at bible study today.

Nice.

What really happened was that he was being naughty and screaming “NO!” at me at the top of his lungs this morning when we were trying to get out the door for bible study. I told him to stop and he SCREAMED at me -again to the infinite power.

That was when Hubby said "You do NOT disrespect your Mother like that!" and he gave him a little flick on the lip. Well, apparently, right when he flicked him, Dach moved his head and he bit his lip with his eye tooth and there a few drops of blood that showed up a minute later. Certainly fodder for conversation in a roomful of three year olds!

I explained to his teacher what really happened to our little "accuser of the brethren”. She said she figured he wasn’t being totally accurate since he was still retaining all of his teeth.

And to top it off – our darling little liar thought his alternate reality WAS the truth! When I asked him about what he had said to his class, he said, “But he DID knock my tooth out!” Is that so? It must’ve been your invisible tooth.

Later that night when Hubby came home he looked at The Captain and said, “So, I hear I knocked your tooth out today.” The Captain whipped around and looked at me with QUITE the smug look on his face

“SEE! I TOLD YOU HE DID!”