Homeschooling tip #471...

Homeschooling tip #471:

When schooling children #1, 2, and 3 it is important to check on "suspiciously quiet" child #4 in the bathroom OFTEN. Considering that experimenting with flushing 30 baby wipes down the toilet is NOT part of the planned science curriculum.

"I washed my whole body Mommy!!" *he said beaming*

"WITH WHAT?!?!"

"Wipes!!"

"Where did you put the wipes?!"

"They are in the potty!"

Oh look, you peed in the potty and yet didn't try flushing it until -AFTER- you crammed half a box of baby wipes in it. Here let me just reach my hand in there to yank those out. No, don't worry about the pee you see dripping off my hand - I'll just go power wash it with my new faucet...

The rats go marching one by one...

Our top story today...



"Family catches devil rat in basement!!"

2 down - an undeterminable multitude to go. Okay - so I haven't written too much about the rats lately because I believe that if you ignore something it will just go away by itself. This of course includes bills, medical problems, laundry and rats.

So let's see - where did I leave off with rat tales...? Ah yes - my nervous breakdown. So shortly after that experience I came to the realization that rats are somewhat faster than even a raging 36 year old housewife - so we called in the big guns. And because it's -me- the exterminator's appointment was on Maisie's birthday. Luckily my Dad rescued me by taking the kids for a few hours while I alternated between hanging butterflies and giving the grand tour to the exterminator. SO DISCOURAGING. He basically told me that "at this point" it was sort of a lost cause to even start killing them because there were so many access points that they were coming in through. He showed me -TONS- of places where they were able to come in and stated that -and I quote- "...Your heating vent system is like a giant habitrail right now." *insert stunned silence*

So, he gave me instructions on sealing the place and said that it would probably take us a few weeks (yes I did say WEEKS) to get the place ready for the killing phase. Apparently the entire front of the house has a gap between the gutter and the roof where they are "easily" accessing the attic. Apparently all it is missing is a neon "Vacancy" sign. He gave me the lowdown on how to correct that.

When our very kind Home Fellowship (in home bible study group) heard my discouraging news that night, they all offered to come over that Sunday afternoon and help with the sealing process. There were 9 of us on Sunday cutting down trees & bushes that were next to the house, sealing holes and putting up wire grating in all of the heating vents.

******I just went downstairs to get a box of cereal for the kids and lo and behold the rats got to the Capt'n Crunch. *insert creative verbage* And oh look - that used to be a 10# bag of flour. Looks to me like it's now a 9.5# bag. Flour?! Really? Dry Flour. I hope you choke on it. Ok - they only got to 1 box of cereal and the flour. All food has been removed from that sector. Perhaps we should just place all of our food in a hammock and suspend it from the kitchen ceiling from now on*********

Anyway - since sealing stuff off we have taken back some ground and they have ceased going upstairs at all. And the activity on the main floor has greatly reduced. Although they did get to my peanut butter filled pretzels last week. Hubby is getting more agressive with the traps now after 38 days, we finally caught another one this morning!! He was found half-dead & wheezing just a few feet from the trap. [A 'whacker-trap' to be precise as Zane calls them.] Poor Hubby - he always has to kill them "Why can't I just find a DEAD one?!?!"

I'm going to call the exterminator back today & see if we can start the "process" - I think we have it sealed enough...maybe...I hope.

And now I will leave you with a song that my twin separated at birth dear friend wrote for me:

Sung To The Tune of: "THE ANTS GO MARCHING"

THE RAT SONG

The rats go marching one by one It's GROSS It's GROSS

Because their here I am in a funk MOROSE! MOROSE!

I tried to bludgeon one just today....He winked and laughed as he ran away

All the kids are SCREAMING as rats overtake our home, as rats over take our home.

The rats go marching two by two It's SICK It's SICK

I tried to beat one with a stick IT'S GOT ME LICKED

I'll call my hubby, he'll save the day....HEY why is he running the other way!!!!

Now the kids are LAUGHING, the rodents are LAUGHING too....the rodents are LAUGHING too!

( SUNG SLOWLY WITH FEELING)

There just HAS to be a RAT FREE place! I PRAY! I PRAY!

No rodents to eat my leather purse WHO'LL SAVE THE DAY?????

The Exterminator will try his best......HE'S BEEN EATEN ALIVE BY OUR UN- WELCOMED PESTS

GUESS THAT'S WHY THERE'S HEAVEN...COME QUICKLY DEAR LORD I PRAY!!!!!!!!!!

COME QUICKLY DEAR LORD TODAY!!!!!!

Plumbers are us...

She shoots - she scores!!!

Yes, people...that's a little thing we like to call water pressure! I will now be offering my services for 5 frapps/hour. Hubby is quite pleased with me! As in -QUITE- pleased. Who knew that a plumbing-savvy wife would cause him to become somewhat - how shall we say - "amorous"...

Photo mommy aka: The Plumber...

So, I didn't get dressed - but I did try my hand at plumbing. This is what our water pressure in the kitchen sink had been reduced to lately:

See that trickle of water? That would be both hot & cold turned on to full blast! It has never had great pressure since we moved in 2 years ago but has gradually gotten worse over time until it has progressed to ridiculous as of late! One of our friends (while helping us do dishes after a party we had here last month) said "Wow! Your house is like camping!!" *cringe* A sad but true statement. So, I have spent the past few hours under the sink tearing everything apart. Here's where we are at now:

Sink a la no faucet. Hubby has been sent back to Home Depot for the second time (I'd go myself but I'm still sporting those pj's) Did I mention I'm really good at taking things apart but not quite as good putting them back together? I'm thinking I may be consulting a do it yourself home improvement website at some point before the night is over! ACKK!! "24" is on in 2 hours and 45 minutes - I'd better get a move on!

Photos of the twins...

My sister just moved back from California 2 days ago - she is the one who had twin girls a couple of weeks before Christmas (she also has a 2 year old boy & an 8 year old boy). Yesterday was the 1st time I had gotten to meet the twins *contented sigh* Here are some of the pics I took of them...

That's all for now. Hubby just walked in the room, took one look at the computer screen and announced "I CAN'T believe you are doing THAT right now!!!" *thinks - Hmnn....me being random and undisciplined...a curious thought* We are supposed to be cleaning/organizing/fixing things on the house today. So far today, hubby has gathered 3 giant black garbage bags of trash/stuff for the dump from the basement, done 2 loads of laundry, moved a heavy cupboard-countertop in the basement, changed the filters in the oil furnace and did some rat patroling. So far today, I have washed some dishes, made a frappucino and uploaded pictures to Snapfish. Luckily - it's not a contest.

Interestingly enough, in the -60 pages of results- of a personality test that I took last week, it did mention that some of the "keys to motivating me" are:



- Praise, flattery & strokes

- Freedom from control & detail

Perhaps we should engage in a "Natalie is wonderful" discussion before expecting too much in the productivity department! I'll have to post more results from the personality test when I have time. It's pretty extensive. I took it through hubby's work. And with that - I must fight against every natural cell in my being and be responsible!!

Now that it's 2:06pm I think I'll start by getting dressed!!

The Cake...

T minus 2 hours.

So, what do you get when you stay up till 2am creating a birthday cake? Besides slightly loopy and a lifetime supply of Advil?

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A slighlty lumpy XBOX cake!

I used chocolate fondant with black food dye. What I should have done was just one giant piece and covered the cake and then worked on the detailing. What I did was cut out the giant "X", plop it on and then piece the rest together. (It got a little lumpy in the process) But I tell you what - at 2am you have to ask yourself "Do I really want to start over or will the 7 year olds just be able to deal with it?" *oh, look the clock says 10:18 "Happy Birthday to me..."*

Ok, T minus 1 hour 42 minutes. Must take shower, get dressed, get children dressed, wrap present, pick up pizza, chips & pop, drive to party location and set up room. Hmmnn, perhaps this is not the time to surf the net...

Avoiding Responsibilty 101...

avoid·ance a-'voi-d^'n(t)s = The act of spending 3 hours with 7 children at a McDonald's Playland to get out of washing one's dishes and laundry.

And that pretty much sums up the day. Well, except for the part when Dach awoke suddenly from a nap in the van and peed all over my hand while trying to aim it in a cup in a parking lot. *note to self - start keeping hand sanitizer in the van*

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So, on Tuesday I had 6 loads of laundry to do (but didn't). I do believe the running total is somewhere in the double digits now. I AM going to invent disposable clothing in the quite near future! How much are the paper scrubs that doctors wear? Do you think I could get away with just throwing out all of my family's clothes and converting to those? "Here kids, I picked out your outfit for you today. Why look!! It's paper scrubs - who'd have guessed!? Don't forget to throw yesterday's clothes away!"

The kitchen was spotless 36 hours ago. That would be 5 meals ago in case you were counting. Don't worry too much - I've been living in the land of paper plates and plastic cutlery this week. Why? Because I'm the mom - and I get to do what I want. The problem is the baking that I did yesterday for Georgia's Pioneer Girls club. You see, it was Georgia's week to bring the weekly snack and because of my can't-just-buy-packaged-cookies-at-the-store-like-normal-people disorder, we spent 2 1/2 hours in the kitchen creating cookie masterpieces! Let me walk you through one of my episodes:

Phase 1 (The Task) - "I need to bring snacks. I can't just bring a package of something store bought - I have to make it special!"

Phase 2 (The Denial) - "I'll just 'quickly' bake some cookies. Why, I even have these packages of refrigerated Pillsbury sugar cookie dough - this'll be a snap! Oh wait, here is a "flower cookie on a stick" mold. How cute would lollipop flower cookies be?!?! That'll be easy!

Phase 3 (The Realization) - "Gee, I can only cook 6 cookies at a time - muliplied by 11 minutes of baking... Boy, I didn't think it would take a 5 full minutes to ice/decorate EACH ONE, sheesh!! And what is up with this 'royal frosting' - I thought it would only take 30 minutes to harden in the fridge but apparently 10 hours is more like it!!!

Phase 4 (The Nervous Breakdown) - "WHY DID I EVER START THIS PROJECT?!?!?!?!? WE HAVE TO LEAVE IN 30 MINUTES AND I HAVEN'T STARTED DINNER, THE ICING ON THE BACK OF THE COOKIES IS STILL STICKY, I'M STILL IN MY BATHROBE FROM THE SHOWER I TOOK 3 HOURS AGO, I STILL HAVEN'T SEWN ON ANY OF THE 29 AWANA PATCHES ON ANYONE'S VESTS, AND --NO-- WE AREN'T HAVING COOKIES FOR DINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*begin lamaze breathing*

The cookies did turn out cute and they were a huge hit with all the girls. The irony is all of the "I just don't know how you do it ALL with 4 kids!!! You are amazing - I could NEVER compete with this!!" comments from Georgia's teachers and the other moms. If they only knew the truth! - "Well, actually the only thing I'm in competition with is the perfection that lives in the fantasy lobe of my brain! If you'd like, I could write you a detailed report on how to self-induce a daily nervous breakdown purely because of a deranged inner need to constantly express your creativity through unatainable means..."

Stay tuned next time when you'll hear the local rat exterminator say, "It's pointless to even start killing them until you spend a few weeks sealing up all of the entry points in the house that they are coming in through..."

Butterfly Birthday...Muted

And because I'm in post-birthday party comatose - No commentary, just photos...

I was gonna...

I put a pork loin in the crockpot at 9am this morning:

I was gonna...stop by the store to get ingredients for scalloped potatoes but the idea of taking 4 overtired children into ANY store in the middle of (what should be) naptime ruled that out.

I was gonna...make hashbrown casserole and get it into the oven in the next 13 minutes for it's 90 minute bake, but apparently I'm out of canned cream of chicken soup (essential ingredient) and I'm too lazy tired to make cream of chicken from scratch.

Can you say "Rice-a-Roni...the San Fransisco treat...?" Oh look - all I have is fried rice flavor. Kids did you know that this is a chinese pork loin? Why yes - the pig was born and raised in Shang-Hai...enjoy your meal! Sorry, no fortune cookie, but hand me a Sharpie and we'll make due with the Oreos!

I was gonna...go downstairs and throw in another load of laundry. But who wants to go down to the ratropolis cold, unfinished basement to make "but a dent" in the 7 loads that need to be done? Excuse me for a moment... "Hey kids - STOP SPILLING/PEEING/GRASS-STAINING/PAINTING-ON ALL OF YOUR CLOTHING!!!!!!!!! And by the way...boys under 10 - could you aim it IN the toilet?!?! Those lovely bathmats are NOT intended to be your own personal urine guards and I tire of cramming them into the washing machine!!!"

I was gonna...make the most of naptime by cleaning the living room and decorating the 4 hanging butterflies I made last night (until 2am). But dang it all if multiple nights of 5 hours of sleep have not fried my motherboard and rendered me useless today! I keep trying to decide - caffeine or nap? *aside* Which - by the way- CAFFEINE?!?! Um hello, what happened to - "I before E except after "c" and except as in "a" as in neighbor and weigh". Someone should really do something about that! Some of us are trying to homeschool here and I think the kids tire of "Well...I don't know, that is strange that it's spelled that way. I don't get it either - the creator of the English language must have been on crack that day!" *end aside* Hmn, maybe nap and then caffeine?

And the quote of the day (well, yesterday):

Hubby gave me a funny (somewhat suggestive) Valentine's Day card and as I have always done with all cards I receive: I put it up on the mantle. *Hey - 13 year old niece that reads my diary- don't read the next sentence! That's an order! Or I'll buy you UGLY clothes for your next birthday with NO gift receiept!!! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!*

So Georgia says to me yesterday:

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"Mommy, what does h*rny mean?"

WHAT?!?!?!?!?! And then I notice she is staring at my V day card. "Well, 8 year old child...I'm not going to tell you! It's something you aren't old enough to understand or know about. Ask me when you are married!" She shrugged "Ok." And with that - I do believe I'm going to go take a power nap! Or at least lay down so that right when I drift off to sleep a child can appear with "MOMMY!!! So-and-so is out of their bed/talking too loudly/annoying me and anyway, IS IT TIME TO GET UP?!?!?!?!?!"

Hair Cuts and Rat Tales...

Too tired to write (and too many butterflies left to make) but wanted to show off Maisie's new haircut. My girlfriend kept telling me to cut it short but I kept resisting because I don't really like short hair on girls - but it got so scraggly that I finally relented. It took me 3 sessions to bring myself to get it this short. I'd cut an inch or too and say "There!" and then 20 minutes later I'd muster up the gumption to do it again. This is what we ended up with. I actually like it A LOT (and so does she). It flips up very easily - WOW, to have thin hair!

And here is what Hubby came home with for me on V Day! I didn't expect since we had celebrated the day before. A lovely bouquet of my favorite flowers (gerber daisies) and floating candles in the shape of a box of chocolate hearts!

And (sadly) after the rats chewed through our phone line I had to move the phone into the kitchen. Note how the phone jack is on the wall that has no outlet for the cordless base to plug into...clothesline anyone?

The exterminator will be here Friday at 11am. On Maisie's birthday. "Hello kids!! Can you guess what Maisie's birthday theme is?!?! That's right...RATS!!! Let's get ready to pin the rat on the cheese!! For craft time we'll be decoupaging these lovely wooden rat traps, careful kids - they're spring loaded!! Next we'll move on to the rat pinata. Hand me that stick kid, Mommy wants to have a try at that...'AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN! DIE DEVIL RATS!!' Oops, looks like Mommy mutilated it - time for cake...!"

Happy Valentine's Day (my little pretties)...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

*I will not mention the rats on Valentine's Day*

Well, as much as I've lobbied to make this day a national holiday, (ie: paid day off) sadly the vision has not been caught by the leaders of this country - so Hubby is at work today. I suggested he call a temp agency and get someone to cover for him - but apparently there isn't a high volume of pastors available through the temp agency. Odd. And I suppose it could become somewhat problematic to have "Joe Atheist the temp" providing biblical counsel and teaching a bible study. That's ok, I've accepted it. *waves hand*

The kids were kind enough to get up an hour early today to insure that we had some early morning Valentine family time. Since Hubby has to work all day & teach a bible study tonight, we celebrated last night. Our 13th Valentine's Day on the 13th of the month complete with a full moon. Hubby asked what I wanted to for the evening "Well, how about we break a mirror under a ladder?" Heh - actually I'm not superstitious - I have enough things to keep my neurosis quite busy, thanks!

We had been given a gift card for a swanky restaurant so we went out to dinner. Added bonus: the people who gave us the gift card offered free babysitting (via their 15 yr old) while we went out! And since we hadn't gotten each other anything for V day yet - we went shopping. Hubby had seen an infomercial selling the silicone bakeware and (after me telling him for 2 yrs how cool I thought it'd be to have) was convinced I had to have some!

We headed to Linens N Things and found this:

After almost 2 years, I FINALLY found a carpet I like for the living room!! *the crowd goes wild* I have been looking for & pricing area rugs and have been frustrated at the lack of "decent-priced-funky" rugs. Apparently all rug buyers are more traditional than me because funky rugs are hard to find! AND the fact most rugs start at $100. Pottery Barn had a couple I liked for the low low price of $500! Well, my little bargain -loving-dearies the hip-happening rug you see here was $40. But wait...it was 1/2 off - bringing it down to just $20!! But wait...I whipped out my 20% off coupon and scored it for only $16 (plus the blood-sucking sales tax)!!! Can you believe that a rug:

- sporting none other than my most favorite thing on the planet ***daisies***

- in the colors of my house (almost)

- in just the right size

- just happened to be sitting in a store that I was frequenting (which I only do a couple of times a year?!)

*pause for a: "thank you for providing the perfect rug at the perfect price and boy do you have good taste" prayer*

So here is what else I got:





My silicone bakeware. Note the daisy molds. I'm thinking giant daisy ice cubes floating in Maisie's Butterfly punch would be cute!

Hubby also got me:



My new supercute bible! Are you jealous? Shame on you - that's a sin! The color is a tad off in the picture - it's actually a green apple green and a bright pink. The candle holders are new too!

We woke up this morning to this:





Snow! Just 1/2 inch tops but quite a surprise!

Here are the kids sitting at the "table of love" opening their V - Day gifts:

Ok - that's all for now. Princess Badger Maisie has been vying for the computer for a while now...

The latest invite creation...

Ok, so as we all know: it wouldn't be --ME-- if I didn't have 2 kid birthdays 1 week apart twice a year!



***A tip for the "yet-to-conceive" crowd***



Don't conceive a child the 3rd week in May...................................twice.

Don't conceive a child the 2nd week in January...........................twice.

Do yourself a favor, just spread the birthdays out a little! Say it with me: "A little self-control now equals a little less stress later!"

***End of tip***

So, yes I'm once again planning the back-to-back birthday weekends. This Saturday's theme is "Butterflies" and next Saturday's theme is "X-BOX". My brain has trouble toggling between the two. The X-BOX party will be easy: just show up and eat pizza and play X-BOX (aka the "Zombie theme"). The most time-consuming part of the X-BOX party was the invites. Because -as you know- I'm plagued with the rare yet crippling disease of "have-to-spend-hours-making-an-over-the-top-invite-from-scratch-itis"! It actually only took about 3 hours from start to finish (sounds long but believe me, I have logged many a longer party planning evening). The invite is a "mock" X-BOX game. Hubby got me some of the thin DVD cases that X-BOX games come in and we designed a cover for the case and a label for the "game disc" *blank CD* inside. Here is the end result:

This is the front cover on the box.

This is the back cover.

And this is the disc inside.

I REALLY, REALLY like how it turned out. *gets down on one knee* "Photoshop, will you marry me?!"

We had actually pulled him out of bed (while still awake) last night to take the pics of him for the invite "Here - take your pj's off and put on these clothes! Mommy has to do a quick photoshoot!" I just had him on a skateboard in my living room with a halogen light on him. But the BEAUTY of photoshop is: I can cut him out and put him on a sky blue background and make him look like he's catching some air! Right on, skater dude!

And with that...I'm pooped! Too much partying at Jen's today celebrating the birthday of Maisie's "betrothed". Too funny: Jen expressed some concern that she didn't have enough stuff supporting the birthday "theme". I told her "Oh it's all for us anyway! The kids don't care/notice the theme - they just like to play and eat cake! Don't worry about it!" So what does Zane ask as we are leaving her house after the party?


"Wait, Mom!! What was his birthday THEME?!?!" Ah, my little brainwashed baby - you can't escape your DNA...

Butterfly attempt number 1...

Thank you to those of you who offered me butterfly construction tips!! After drafting a couple of plans, I realized that I am not the engineer I thought I was! I'm the idea girl, "Wouldn't it be cool if..." That would be why my hundreds of invention ideas fall by the wayside. I need a "go-to" person. *sigh* So, after being responsible to clean my kitchen, do some laundry and organize the recycling I finally sat down to start working on a butterfly at 11:15pm last night. I don't know why I suddenly felt the need to start that project last night "HEL-LO!! I still have 1 1/2 weeks to get this done!" Anyway, after several hours and many - many - feet of wire I came to the conclusion that the butterfly's wings will not flap. It will dangle quietly. This was my finished project - I'm going to try to make at least 3 or 4 more to hang throughout the living room & dining room area:

I think that the top wings are supposed to be larger than the bottom wings. But since I have NO intention of de-constructing that thing - it'll have to stay. Perhaps the next one will be a little more symmetrical. The first thing Maisie said when she saw it this morning was "It's beautiful! I thought it's wings were going to flap?!?!" *Watch it kid before I bag the theme party and demote you to "family party". Remember what happened to Dach's birthday?!*



This is a picture that I found online that I was loosely basing it on...

I did sequins fabric paint & glitter and glued a fluffy little trim around it. The construction is pathetic. There is so much wire coiled around the center of that thing that if some unsuspecting child tried to wear it - they'd tip over backwards! Good thing it's only for decoration!

I had checked with the fabric store on what fabric to use & apparently you can't just buy nylon by the yard (like pantyhose-type nylon). She said the only real stretchy fabric she had was swimsuit material. I'm thinking a spandex butterfly would not be an impressive sight. So, I picked up a couple of pairs of white nylons at the $1 store - but they were child size, which apparently is an issue. Tonight I need to go pick up several pair of white nylons somewhere -cheap- . They didn't have adult sized ones at the $1 store.*sigh* Nylons are expensive. My plans was to make 4 or 5 hanging butterflies and then make a pair for each child to wear. That would be 12 total. I really don't want to spend $20 or more on 12 pair of nylons. I'll have to figure this out. So, this is my start into the land of butterfly bliss!!

It seems as though I had other points of interest to mention but I do believe my 3am bedtime is running some interference with my brain synapses...

Butterfly Heaven...

T minus 10 days

That would be how long I have to plan Maisie's birthday party. The invite went out yesterday (exactly 1 week later than they should have).

The theme is:

Butterflies

I had high hopes of making some elaborate butterfly-shaped invites which -after getting sidetracked by my nervous-breakdown- almost turned into "whatever the store happens to have in stock" invites. But I finally caught a vision and was able to squeak out hand-made ones yesterday. They turned out completely different than the butterfly-shaped ones I had planned - but I really like them. They are a spinner dial. Every time you spin the top piece - another detail about the party appears. I mailed them in clear envelopes (my forever-obsession). Here is what they look like:

Then, if you give it a little clockwise turn...







And another turn...

There are a couple more turns (with time, location & RSVP) but you get the idea. I don't know if you can tell by the photos but the 3 pieces of paper on the top of the invite that say "Maisie", "turns", "5" are raised up a bit with that sticky foam stuff. It really makes them "pop".

-----I have decided that I am now obsessed with these little wheels - they are a royal pain to cut out but would be fun in a scrapbook either with pics inside or details about an event.-----

We invited 6 girls -that was my limit-. I purchased all of the party stuff (plates/cups/napkins) at the $1 store last summer along with a bunch of butterfly "stuff" to use as "loot bag" gifts to the attendees and craft/game stuff during the party. I bought everything in sets of "6" thinking that would be plenty since we have had the same 4 little girls attend her past 2 birthday parties...and then she got social. There is a surge of 4 year-old girls at our church (at least 8 or more) that she likes. Plus her very best friend that lives 45 minutes away. PLUS at least four 2-3 year-old girls that she "mother-hens". Pare down sister...pare down! She is a wee bit social like her Mommy "me and my 12 best-est friends"!!

For decor, I'm thinking of long strips of white tulle draped loosely across the ceiling with giant butterflies hanging down suspended by fishing line. In my fantasy world, each butterfly would have a piece of fishing line hanging down from them that you would pull to make their wings flap. I haven't figured out how to construct this yet. If I made them out of tulle covered wire - the wings wouldn't flap. I could decopauge cardboard wings but still - how do they flap? Possibly a wooden dowel down the center with wire or string for the wings to rotate with? Not sure yet - still working out the details.

I've got butterfly crafts and butterfly shaped food & cake. Oh yes - and I was going to make a pair of butterfly wings for each girl to wear. I'm thinking that If I just sewed tulle around a wing-shaped wire frame and threw on some elastic straps that would work. Times that by --7-- please...

I'm so in love with the floral paper that I used for her invites that I may have to figure out something to do with that. Maybe just save it for her party's scrapbook page.

Well, Maisie currently has a temp of 101.5 (down from 102.5 last night) so I should probably tend to her sickie woes now. And might I add that she came down with her sickness on Superbowl Sunday (evening) *GO HAWKS!! (yes, I AM still in denial!)* and now because of continued sickness we had to cancel a playdate today that has been on the calendar for weeks. Is it coincidence or she deliberately trying to thwart my fun?! I called my girlfriend to cancel our playdate of "Valentine fun" (which was to include a Valentine craft and baking Valentine cookies) and she says "Oh man - I had even turned the hot tub on!" *blink* "I'LL BE RIGHT OVER!!!" Hot tub? If I'd known there was a hot tub involved, I've have been cramming "Air Borne" and vitamins down her throat 2 days ago! And I now have enough cookie dough for 14 dozen cookies. Perhaps I'll do some baking today...

I killed them all...

*she dreamed happily...and then she woke up*

Well, after I beat the snot out of the fireplace and the basement walls with the poker stick last night there has been no sign of our "visitors".

*Looks up. Wow - wouldn't that be funny to read if there were no previous frame of reference for it!*

I do believe that is going to go down in the history books as "The Poker Stick Incident". But to cheer myself up I must remind myself of what impulses I didn't act on last night:

I didn't throw my casserole dish (dinner and all) out into the street to "make a point to my family" regarding their ungratefulness of my culinary abilities. [Ok, I admit it - I came close till I realized that my Pampered Chef replacement warranty had run out on the stone dish. Nothing like a $36 price tag to curb your impulses! But wouldn't that have made a great explanation in the "reason for return" box on the form?!]

I didn't drive my van into a tree. No, I don't have a death wish (or thousands of dollars to fix the van) I was just experiencing some pent up aggression.

I didn't take my circular saw and cut open every wall in this house looking for the rat's nest. An exemplary show of self-control, if I do say so myself.

So you see - beating inanimate objects with a poker stick isn't sounding so bad now...

After reading up on Kemma's suggestion, it's looking more and more like electrocution is the way to go (not me - the rats). Although, I rather liked the "bucket-o-antifreeze with the tempting chuck of cheese balanced on the top" idea from a guy in Sweden. "Dude! Did you really catch 50+ rats with that contraption?! You ARE my hero!!!!"

And with that, I have to go sew 19 patches on AWANA vests for the kids.

19

Perhaps I have allowed myself to slip somewhat behind in this urgent parental duty. Also, I was asked today if I could lead worship songs for my Women's Bible Study tomorrow. No problem - I'm willing. Not really a soloist - but if the need is there, I can do it. Would you like to see a list of the songs I've come up with?

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*notice all of the blank space*

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Yes - perhaps I should get right on that.

Oh, yes - I also signed up to bring food for Bible Study tomorrow. Care to know what I'm baking?

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*notice more blank space*

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That's ok - we don't have to leave for Awanas for another 90 minutes - I'm quite sure I can sew on 19 patches, assemble & practice worship songs, bake treats for 25 ladies, cook dinner for my family, practice my poker stick skills by gouging the eyes out of any rats that may be brave enough to appear, and set my VCR for LOST. *priorities people...priorities*

"And we just can't figure out what caused her to snap" they all said softly...

Addendum: "I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the Kraft Food Corporation for redesigning their macaroni & cheese box to make the "push in and tear off" opening feature even easier to navigate. It has truly blessed & simplified my dinner experience tonight. Why, I didn't even break a nail opening it! What more can a girl ask for...?"