The fat lady has sung...

Well, the comedy club called me back to invite me to come watch their monthly all-women comedy night to see if I wanted to be a part of it. I went down last Wednesday night, and in a word……………….yuck!

5 out of the 7 comics were completely crude & offensive. Not even "funny  offensive"…just gross. Hey - crude may not be my style but I can admit it when something is truly funny (even if it is rude or offensive).

Sadly - it was just rude for the sake of being rude. The headliner was hilarious - I was very impressed by her, but the rest of them left something to be desired. It was really sad - here these people “claim” to be comediennes & yet they were hardly (if at all) even funny. If I had paid money to listen to that I would have been ticked! I think it is seriously wrong to charge people to listen to “comediennes” that aren’t funny. If I’m paying you to make me laugh - you better darn well make me laugh! Now, I understand that people have different types of humor & I’m not exactly attuned to current “bar” humor, *also known as potty talk* but even the “drink-slugging” regulars weren’t laughing too hard!

As a result, I’ve decided not to be a part of it. It’s just too unpredictable what people are going to get up there & say. I wouldn’t feel comfortable inviting anyone I knew to come & be verbally assaulted for 2 hours. I’m thinking the dark smoky bar scene just isn’t my venue!

And in related news - I found out on Sunday that I am not a finalist in the Nick at Nite comedy contest. Apparently they called all of the 12 finalists about 1 ½ weeks ago & they all performed at a club in New York last night to whittle it down to 5 or 6 finalists for the show in May. I must say that initially, I was bummed. I had seriously been fantasizing about that free -childless- trip to New York & claiming it as my own! But lo & behold there is nothing like new blond highlights & a new haircut to wash your woes away!


*All better, thanks!*

I AM looking forward to watching the Funniest Mom show on May 3^rd to see who they chose! They had better darn well be funnier than me! No really, I’m not bitter - I’m actually very glad that I gathered up the nerve to even try stand-up! In retrospect, I think I could have been seriously over my head going into a comedy battle against seasoned comics...

Actually 2 really great things came out of this whole contest:

The 1^st thing is that it really stirred up a desire in me to “do” comedy. (But obviously, not the “smoky bar” venue.) The idea has crossed my mind over the past couple of years but I never knew if I could ever actually “do” stand-up. It has been encouraging to know that when I actually tried it - I found that it was something that came very naturally. At some point I think it would be fun to “do” MOPS groups or Women’s Dessert Events at churches. We’ll see…

The 2^nd thing is that after watching the video from the club - it has caused me to experiment with the idea of a “healthier” lifestyle. *AKA - stop drinking half-n-half like it’s going out of style!* So far I’ve lost 7 pounds and 6 inches (overall) in the last 3 weeks - so hopefully I’ll continue to be disciplined. Until of course, I lose interest in being disciplined.

My husband would say that the #1 great thing to come out of this, is that I finally broke down & ordered cable!

*Enjoy it while you can sweetie -when that special price runs out in 149 days you’ll be waving a tearful goodbye!*

And with that, I must take my comedic booty off this computer & go scrub my house because in just 21 hours we will be hosting dinner for 16 adults and 9 children…

In health news today...

A scientific study has just confirmed that performing 2 workout videos back-to-back to "hasten" a rapid weight loss goal is indeed...stupid.

Hi folks - remember me? It's the girl who truly believes that MORE is always better!

Wanna cook that roast in half the time? Why,  simply jack the recommended temperature up by a couple hundred degrees and voila - surely it'll cook in half the time! No really, it's supposed to be that color!!

Teeth looking a little on the yellow side? Why apply Crest whitestrips the recommended twice daily, when 3 times will produce faster results?! Never mind the excruciating stabbing pain in the nerve endings of your teeth - instant gratification is always worth whatever the price!!

Just saw yourself on video for the first time in a while, and are now mortified by the roll of stomach fat that your stretch tee shirt is clinging to? Why, start by reducing your food intake to 1/3 your normal amount and do an exercize video daily. Not quick enough results you say? Step it up a notch...try 2 exercize videos back-to-back! Surely that will bring quicker results!! Please note that you may want to invest in a wheel chair, as you will most certainly awake the following morning will your leg muscles locked up tighter than a vault at your local bank!

I don't like to refer to it as stupidity, I like to think of it more as wishful thinking! Sadly, there are usually unanticipated side effects! Yep, I admit it - after seeing my video from the comedy club, I was...how shall I say.........HORRIFIED!! Apparently I don't wear half-n-half quite as attractively as my frappuccinos do!  "What if I make it to the next round of this contest? Then I'll be on TV looking like this! No can do! If the camera adds 10 pounds, then I need to at LEAST lose that, so it'll be a draw! TIME TO TAKE ACTION!!!"

So, I've cut food intake down to a moderate amount and started exercizing to an exercize video. So far in the past 2 weeks I've lost 6 lbs & 5 inches (overall). Which is great, but I'm the anxious type & I don't finish projects well. So, this weight loss "phase" is apt to end on an "I don't really want to do this anymore" whim! Which means I figure I'd better make as much progress as quickly as I can before I quit! If I don't see daily results - I start to get discouraged. I know - I know, the life of an undisciplined girl...

So last night, I thought "If ONE workout a day is effective...how much more effective would two be?!"

So, after completing 30 minute workout #1, I attempted 30 minute workout #2!! Whew baby! I then wobbled my jello legs into the bedroom to attempt my nightly "100 crunches" routine. All was tolerable till I awoke this morning:

PAIN. FROM. THE. ENDS. OF. THE. EARTH.

Minimal movement is good movement. I'm thinking that perhaps there is some to be said for moderation...

ME. ME. Um, let me think...ME AGAIN!!

The other day (after spending 2+ hours cleaning the house), I asked Zane to put 6 forks on the table for dinner...

Zane: "Awwww, why do I have to do it?! I don't wanna do it, I'm too tired. It's not fair. It's too hard!!"
Me: "Gee, who just did the dishes? ME!!"
Me: "Who just swept the kitchen floor? ME!!"
Me: "Who just swept the living room floor? Um, let me think...ME!!"
Me: "Who just swept the dining room floor? Hmmnnn, oh I know...ME!!"
Me: "Who just mopped the kitchen floor? Wait, I think I remember...ME AGAIN!!"
Me: "Who just washed all of the laundry? Why glory be, that would be ME!!"
Me: "Who just cooked dinner for a family of 6? GEE, I guess that was ME TOO!!"
Me: "So, you see - a small mi-nute task such as placing FORKS on a TABLE WILL. NOT. KILL. YOU."
Me: "But if it DOES kill you...guess who will be digging your grave? Oh, probably ME!!!

Footage from the Comedy Club...

Here are some pics from the Comedy Club...





The pics aren't that great because hubby forgot to take pics during my set & these are photos of the video that was taken. A little less than 3 weeks till I hear if I made the finals...

Here is my audition video at the Seattle Underground comedy club:

BTW - Turns out that it ISN'T me on the commercial after all (in the yellow star cut-out)! It's a girl who looks an awful lot like me - but when I watch it in slow motion, I can tell it isn't me. I don't know about the original commercial (with the photo in the red heart cutout) - my friend SWEARS it was me in that one - but they quit airing that one before I got cable, so I guess I'll never know!

Disco Fever...

DISCO FAMILY