avoid·ance a-'voi-d'n(t)s = The act of spending 3 hours with 7 children at a McDonald's Playland to get out of washing one's dishes and laundry.
And that pretty much sums up the day. Well, except for the part when Dach awoke suddenly from a nap in the van and peed all over my hand while trying to aim it in a cup in a parking lot. *note to self - start keeping hand sanitizer in the van*
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So, on Tuesday I had 6 loads of laundry to do (but didn't). I do believe the running total is somewhere in the double digits now. I AM going to invent disposable clothing in the quite near future! How much are the paper scrubs that doctors wear? Do you think I could get away with just throwing out all of my family's clothes and converting to those? "Here kids, I picked out your outfit for you today. Why look!! It's paper scrubs - who'd have guessed!? Don't forget to throw yesterday's clothes away!"
The kitchen was spotless 36 hours ago. That would be 5 meals ago in case you were counting. Don't worry too much - I've been living in the land of paper plates and plastic cutlery this week. Why? Because I'm the mom - and I get to do what I want. The problem is the baking that I did yesterday for Georgia's Pioneer Girls club. You see, it was Georgia's week to bring the weekly snack and because of my can't-just-buy-packaged-cookies-at-the-store-like-normal-people disorder, we spent 2 1/2 hours in the kitchen creating cookie masterpieces! Let me walk you through one of my episodes:
Phase 1 (The Task) - "I need to bring snacks. I can't just bring a package of something store bought - I have to make it special!"
Phase 2 (The Denial) - "I'll just 'quickly' bake some cookies. Why, I even have these packages of refrigerated Pillsbury sugar cookie dough - this'll be a snap! Oh wait, here is a "flower cookie on a stick" mold. How cute would lollipop flower cookies be?!?! That'll be easy!
Phase 3 (The Realization) - "Gee, I can only cook 6 cookies at a time - muliplied by 11 minutes of baking... Boy, I didn't think it would take a 5 full minutes to ice/decorate EACH ONE, sheesh!! And what is up with this 'royal frosting' - I thought it would only take 30 minutes to harden in the fridge but apparently 10 hours is more like it!!!
Phase 4 (The Nervous Breakdown) - "WHY DID I EVER START THIS PROJECT?!?!?!?!? WE HAVE TO LEAVE IN 30 MINUTES AND I HAVEN'T STARTED DINNER, THE ICING ON THE BACK OF THE COOKIES IS STILL STICKY, I'M STILL IN MY BATHROBE FROM THE SHOWER I TOOK 3 HOURS AGO, I STILL HAVEN'T SEWN ON ANY OF THE 29 AWANA PATCHES ON ANYONE'S VESTS, AND --NO-- WE AREN'T HAVING COOKIES FOR DINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
*begin lamaze breathing*
The cookies did turn out cute and they were a huge hit with all the girls. The irony is all of the "I just don't know how you do it ALL with 4 kids!!! You are amazing - I could NEVER compete with this!!" comments from Georgia's teachers and the other moms. If they only knew the truth! - "Well, actually the only thing I'm in competition with is the perfection that lives in the fantasy lobe of my brain! If you'd like, I could write you a detailed report on how to self-induce a daily nervous breakdown purely because of a deranged inner need to constantly express your creativity through unatainable means..."
Stay tuned next time when you'll hear the local rat exterminator say, "It's pointless to even start killing them until you spend a few weeks sealing up all of the entry points in the house that they are coming in through..."
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